Saturday, 20 December 2008

If I Should Flip

On 6 August 1996, The Daily Telegraph reported thus:

"A man who said he had suffered mental problems SINCE A COCONUT FELL ON HIS HEAD WHEN HE WAS A CHILD, yesterday admitted stabbing his estranged wife to death in front of their two-year-old son.

Terry Abraham's plea of not guilty to murder but guilty to manslaughter at the Old Bailey was accepted by the Crown after three doctors agreed that he was suffering from schizophrenia. He was ordered to be detained indefinitely in a secure hospital.

John Bevan, prosecuting, told the court that Abraham, 31, of Wembley, west London, slit his wife Sheron's throat when she called at his home to discuss their separation. She suffered 35 stab wounds as she tried to ward off the knife attack. The court was told that she attempted to escape by climbing from the first floor window but fell and was found dead in the garden. Abraham told police:

'I got married, she left me and I JUST FLIPPED’.”
Hey, your honour!

When I was 7 years old I ran full-pelt into a lampost. There was blood all over the place and I saw double for a week. I also got smacked in the side of the head by a fat lad on a swing, which sent me flying through space. This was the first occasion when I was lucky enough to actually see stars. I was the envy of the school as no one else had ever seen them, even though most of the characters in The Beano and The Dandy got to see them all the time.

I must admit, however, before I got to see my stars, a dimwit called Bonehead, did once get to see black and white squares when he fell down a manhole. At least that's what he told everybody.

I also had my head 'piledrivered' (a wrestling move) into the concrete playground by the big boys on several occasions. I regularly, boxed with, wrestled with and got scragged by the same big boys that administered the piledrivers as well.

And once I fell from the summit of a very tall tree.

And then Bonehead stuck a lollipop stick in my eyeball when I was looking at the sun to see if I'd go blind. I've never been entirely sure whether it was the sun or the lollipop stick that had me wearing National Health spectacles within the month.

So, your honour, if in the future 'I just flip' and slit somebody's throat, will the charge be reduced from murder to manslaughter because my head got seriously bent out of shape in an entirely normal way when I was a child?

Oh, by the way, I'm an indigenous Englishman.

Yeah. That's what I thought.

No comments:

Post a Comment